Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
