plz talk dirty to me
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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