I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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