Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
