i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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