can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
