once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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