Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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