I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
