everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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