Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
