she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
the liver wants what the liver wants
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
