He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
