I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
