You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
