I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
