You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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