it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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