I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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