Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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