I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
