dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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