i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
