Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
