There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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