one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
well you can't waste a boner
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
