You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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