I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Girls should come with a carfax report
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
