It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
