im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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