Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
