I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Let's get the cat blown out
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
