M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
