Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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