i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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