You're so nebulous sometimes
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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