so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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