Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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