Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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