I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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