Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
