I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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