Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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