I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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