You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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