Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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