So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
