I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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