Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
