Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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