Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we're making bets on your personal life
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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