Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry Cocktail81 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(514): View more from Quebec

i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.

Fav 25 1280 6556
share tweet
(949): View more from California

When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'

Fav 23 5568 1524
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(416): View more from Toronto

Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds

Fav 3 706 1078
share tweet
(909): View more from California

It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.

Fav 5 654 2043
share tweet
(206): View more from Washington

I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.

Fav 18 2576 1215
share tweet
(506): View more from New Brunswick

And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere

Fav 5 896 1206
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(618): View more from Illinois

Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.

Fav 2 1238 624
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(706): View more from Georgia

I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...

Fav 0 7 26
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(319): View more from Iowa

She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.

Fav 0 91 12
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT